Learning to dress as my authentic self

I’ve been going on a journey lately, and it was birthed out of a realization that my wardrobe does not reflect my authentic self. 

I saw a post on instagram where @NicolleMerrilyne said a powerful manifestation technique is to dress like your Higher Self. This clicked for me! Whenever I work with Higher Selves they always look impeccable- usually regal in the way they dress, even if it’s a simple outfit it feels powerful and right for them.

So I asked myself, what would my HS wear? And that’s when I realized that she would throw out my entire wardrobe.

When I was young I was constantly made fun of or talked down on for wearing the things I wore. 

We didn’t have a lot of money, so most of my clothes were clearance rack or hand me downs. I tried to find my style within this, but it was difficult & it felt like whenever I gave it an honest effort the kids at school would poke fun at what I wore.

In high school I would sit in front of my closet for 45 minutes in defeat every morning, totally stressed about what I was going to wear that day – not realizing it was in response to how my classmates had previously treated me,

In college the pendulum swung the complete opposite direction when I found thrift stores, now I wore wacky things just for the sake of it – I found more freedom in this era, able to develop my style a little more, but it still wasn’t authentic. 

I realized that every dressing decision I made was lightly tethered with anxiety. What if I dress up too much, or too little or I look out of place? What if my decisions bring in room for ridicule? My inner child lives within me still, sitting in front of her closet, battling her fear of being seen and made fun of for it. There were moments I rebelled against this anxiety but mostly I let it rule my life. 

So, how have I been combatting this? First off – recognizing it was a huge step in the right direction. Now it’s about breaking the pattern. 

My big a-ha! moment came when I was shopping for an outfit to wear for photos in my new site remodel. I was online and kept picking things based of what made sense for design purposes, what I’d seen others wear, but I realized there was 0 chance I was ever going to wear any of it again. Then I found this blue boho dress and it just ~felt right~.

I realized I was feeling a lot of tension in my brain, swirling thoughts and the gears turning – but when I saw this dress the tension dispelled and I felt a certain strength in my chest, that’s when I knew this was the right one! 

Now I can recognize if I’m contemplating what to wear and my brain feels tense or over doing it – than I’m not connecting to authenticity but fear! When I feel that strong yet comforted sensation in my chest – I know I’m dressing in true expression of myself. 

The mission to build my authentic wardrobe continues – and it will probably take some time I love a good bargain and clothes are expensive – but I’m excited to bring the true expression of myself into my outer world.

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